6th (2011)

"Fuck It's Cold"

There is nothing finer than a fine fall day. And yet, at the same time, there is nothing fouler, than a foul fall day. The day which held the 6th Classic, was a very, very foul one. It never got warmer than 10C/50F, and it started to drizzle nonstop shortly after the first drive. Luckily, most players were prepared, with only a couple guys lacking in proper outdoor gear. Those two guys of course, were gone by the 12th hole. Later on in the week, they both explained to me, that even after going home, they were still freezing hours later.

Besides the non-compliant weather situation, this year's Classic was an absolute  success. First drive was a riot, as we had the entire group of fifteen watching last year's Octoberman, Ryan Porter, nail the ball straight and true. John Hebert, being last year's Bill Murray Award recipient, had the honors of blowing the air horn to officially start the event.

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There were sixteen guys in four groups, and although I wasn't able to witness all the shenanigans, the guys did send me reports from their own experience. There words are included in the the Notes & Quotes section at the end of the brown round summary.
The Brown Round this year consisted of Ryan Porter, Leigh Brooks, Paul McCarthy, and Mike Vienneau. Note of interest--this was Mike's first ever appearance in the fabled Brown Round. So please, where ever you may be, a tip of the hat to him.

Recap of of the Brown Round:

Ryan took holes 13-15, and hole 16 was pushed. If you're doing the math at home, this means that Ryan had four skins grabbed for himself. Hole 17 was now worth 5 skins, with everyone still in contention. I forget the exact strokes, but, I do remember it came down to a 5 foot putt between Paul and Ryan. If Paul made it, it would force Ryan to a hole 18 with the rest of the group.  Paul isn't that shabby of a golfer at all, and if you asked me, "Can Paul nail the big pressure putt?" I'd say, "hell yes". Now, if you'd ask me, "Can Paul nail the big pressure putt if he had TWO attempts at it?" I wouldn't even bother answering you, because that's how much of an absolute that would be, in this world of non-absolutes. 

So yeah, about that putt...Paul blew both chances to push the hole. He blew the first shot, immediately called "mulligan", picked up his ball, retraced his steps, and attempted to sink it the second time. He didn't, and he blew it.

Now, the pressure was fully on Ryan on the 17th. If he made the 3 foot putt (he still had a mulligan), he'd win the hole, and the day. 

Ryan made the putt, and won his second jacket.    

Fact: Ryan is way too good for us chumps. But still, it's hard to fault the guy when last year, he won on the last hole, and this year, Paul had every chance to win it himself. I don't know what to do at this point. We could force Ryan to shotgun a beer at the start of EACH hole, or else award the jacket to the SECOND place winner. At any rate, we as an organized event, now have our first repeat champion. Let's pray we not have a three-peat. The more guys we can invite into the brown folds of the Octobermen, the better. Damn you and your prolific skills, Ryan! Anyway, Brown Supper is on you, again! Haha! At least that is one good thing about the repeat. Ryan sure does know how to host a Brown Friday supper..

Notes & Quotes:

-Shotgunning cans of beer was definitely in vogue this year.
-It was way too cold, and way too wet. One of the guys who ended up leaving at the 12th hole, appeared to have hypothermia. Hmm, wait, are you telling me that booze is NOT a good thing to consume when you are cold? Huh, well that's news to me...

-Phil drove a total of four and a half hours for this event. Bravo sir! That is dedication.

-Eric at the end, ducked out near some bushes to relieve himself. While I was talking with Pierre, we heard a voice from the bushes say, "Hey guys, check this out". Pierre and I turned our heads towards the voice, and violently jerked them right back. Eric was pants down, pissing, and of course, facing us. That image is forever burned in my frontal lobes (shudder).

-John Beaulieu was the winner of this year's Bill Murray Award. He was dressed in some heinous blue and gold garb (which are are the VB high school colors). Plus, he stripped off his top for awhile, in the equally heinous weather. I think that since we are short on Octobermen, due to Porter's repeat win, we might do well to extend an invite to BM award winners, for next years' Brown Friday supper.

-Alex had the distinction of winning what can only be considered the opposite of either the brown jacket or the Bill Murray Award. For absolutely bailing on the Classic at about the 10th hole, he wins the "You Suck Big Donkey Balls" award  Yup. For whatever reason, Mr. Rideout was like, "Sorry dude, I have to go home and do stuff". So, for you Alex, your award entitles you the humiliating punishment of shotgunning a total of three beers, during the half hour leading up to 7th October Classic's first drive... Now, now, I don't want to hear any protests or arguments. I just want you to suck it up, and...err...wait...huh? What?  You can't wait for this? You WANT to do this now? Can you do 4? What?! I don't think you quite fully understand the gravity of the situation...   

- We are now banned from using carts (Aaron, Hebert I'm looking at you). Not sure what to make of that. I guess it should fill us all with a sense of embarrassed pride? Just as well, walking will make it that much more of an athletic endeavor.

-Unfair advantage being called by sportsmen, on other sportsmen, after they noticed that guys going to the bushes to relieve themselves, were having their hands slightly warmed by the heat radiating off their piss. 

"That's the brownest jacket I have ever seen!" Sportsman remarking on Ryan's jacket this year.

"Fuck it's cold!"

"Maybe we should rename it the 'July Classic'".

"If I had cleared the trees and gotten on the green, it would have been a great shot."

"At this point, having not played yet today, it's safe to say I'm the best guy here"

"I hold several records on this course, but they mostly pertain to beer"

"Fuck it's cold!!"

"Nick, I owe you 65$ My bad" Hebert in regards to the golf cart incident.

"I'm so cold, that my limbic system is shutting down and my core temperature is dropping"

"I don't want my last words and actions to be neatly summed up by a friend as, 'He said something about his limp dick and some whore, and then he passed out, so I left him on the cart path by number 5...my bad'"

"FUCK, it's cold!"


Here are just some of the images and videos from this year's Classic. Follow the link to see the images in their entirety.



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Ryan Porter, the 6th Octoberman!