The October Classic is an annual golf tournament that doubles as a roving beerfest. It's held on the first Saturday, of every October, in the border town of Grand Falls, NB. First conceived of in the summer of 2006, it has since been joyously celebrated every year since, by both horrible golfers and fantastic drunks alike.
The Classic is a homemade contest. The bones of the game are as such: It's a superskins game played in two parts--the first part acting as a "regular season" of 12 holes, and the second being a "playoff" of 6 holes.
"But what is superskins?" you inquire. I'm glad you asked. It's simply a weighted skins game, that elevates gradually in gravity towards the back end of a round. Holes 1 though 4 are worth one skin, holes 5 to 8 are two skins, and holes 9 though 12 are three skins. The playoff round is much the same, except it is an abbreviated version: holes 13 and 14 are one skin, holes 15-16 are two skins, and holes 17 and 18 are, you guessed it, three skins. All skins carry over. The point of all this, is that it's a terrific way of keeping all players in the game, right to the very end.
Total roster invites will number up to a maximum of 12-16 men. Depending on the number of participants, the overall roster is then broken down into brackets of 3-4 men each. These brackets are named after characters from Caddyshack. Each bracket plays a round of 12 holes (regular season). At the end of this "regular season", the top seed from each group, and wildcard* (if need be), move on to the final playoff round of 6 holes. From this "Brown Round", the latest Octoberman will be crowned and given the keys to October Hall. As for the remaining men that did not make the cut for the Brown Round, they simply play out the rest of their day in meaningless fashion (albeit, most likely quite sauced on the booze--which is never a bad thing).
There are not many rules involved with this tournament. Basically, there is one mulligan allowed per round**, and winter rules are in effect due to the ground being littered with the leaves. Also, in the event of a tie, each group will resolve their bracket standings as soon as possible in the name of saving time. A group is not allowed to wait for the other group results before resolving their own tie. Ties are to be broken using a chip-off that is no less than 10 yards from green. Men not involved with tie, do not play. And finally, a little more clarity of the ever growing trend of "happy gilmores". The rule used to be, let one rip whenever you felt it was right. If it was a bad shot, then you were allowed to drive again. I now realize that the sort of allows for abuse (a guy might take two drives every hole, and then take the better drive). So, I now decree happy gilmores will follow the same rules as mulligans, only ONE per round. If you happen to bomb the gilmore, then you get to redo the drive. But only once per round.
*Wildcard is the man with the highest amount of skins who is not a bracket leader.
*Mulligans do NOT include putting. This is a new rule starting for 2014.
The tournament champion wins several items of immense value: a delicious bottle of Forty Creek rye, the eternal title of Octoberman, and of course, the Brown Cup, our boozy grail of lore.
The Classic is ripe with tradition. So much so, that it may at times get confusing. To remedy this, this section lays out the entire "culture brun" for the the reader to steep their eyeballs in.
October Classic: Always takes place during the first Saturday of October, unless it doesn't. Depending on the schedules, I reserve the right to stick the October Classic anywhere I see fit. Even September if need be.
First Drive: The reigning Octoberman authors the first drive of the current Classic. If he is not around, then the previous Octoberman will suffice.
Left Hand Handshake: Octobermen shake hands with each other using only the left hand. The left hand handshake is the inherrent right of all those whose names are etched upon the Brown Cup. Why? Because, as Paul once famously quipped, "We shake with our left, because we pee with our right".
Brown Week: Starts on the Sunday before the Classic, and ends at midnight on Brown Friday. It is hoped that the the guys involved with the Classic will try wear an article of brown that week, and also regale their family, friends, and co-workers with tales of wicked debauchery from October Classics past.
Brown Supper: This is the Classic's feast day, which falls on Brown Friday. It is on this day that the people whose lives have been touched by the Brown Cup, gather for food and drink in celebration of Octobers past, present, and future.
"La Seige Brun": Tradition dictates that one seat be left vacant at the table of the Brown Supper, with the Brown Cup being placed in front of it. This is to represent the unknown sportsman who will rise to be that current year's Octoberman.
The Brown Cup: The boozy, brown grail of autumnal lore. It is bestowed unto the man who is able to rise triumphantly from the moral wreckage that is the Brown Round. It is a silver chalice seated upon a foundation of wood. Positioned directly under the cup, is the Latin motto, Floreat brunetus. Translated loosely (VERY loosely), it means "Let Brown Bloom". The base of the cup is adorned with the carved names of all those who have held it aloft. NONE may touch the cup, who have not earned the right to do so.
October Hall: The hall of fame/shame for the Classic. This where the names and images of all past Octoberman lie in gloria est aeterna...